If thou must love me, let it be for nought,

Except for love’s sake only. Do not say,

“I love her for her smile-her look-her way

Of speaking gently,-for a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

A sense of pleasant ease on such a day”-

For these things in themselves, Beloved, may

Be changed, or change for thee-and love, so wrought,

May be unwrought so. Neither love me for

Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry:

A creature might forget to weep, who bore

Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!

But love me for love’s sake, that evermore

Thou mayst love on, through love’s eternity.

              Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I went through a little smoking phase last year. A lot of things were going on and I didn’t really know how to handle them. People always asked me why I felt the need to vent my problems through something so harmful. I stumbled upon this picture just now and it explains it perfectly. These are the things that went through my mind while I was smoking. As the cigarette slowly got smaller, my problems seemed to do the same.

This is my favorite cup. When I was a little girl my mom and I would stay up late and drink hot tea. This is a tradition I continue by myself now when I get too stressed. After this week, this cup of tea and the memories it brings has brought me more peace than all the “pep talks” combined.

Housesitting day 1.

Tonight is my first night to housesit Cale and Cory’s house. I’m staying here all week while their parents take them off to college.

I’ve known this day was coming for 3 years but this isn’t how I imagined it. Matt and Cale didn’t even say goodbye; I didn’t want a goodbye from Cory.

As I walk through this house for the first time in months and what is probably the last time forever, I am flooded with memories. Over the past three years I’ve spent more time in this house than I have my own. I walk through the kitchen and think about the time I spent sitting on the floor upset with Matt and Cale reassuring me. I think of the time Emily and I cooked breakfast here for Cale. As I walk through the living room I’m reminded of my first kiss. I think of the hours and hours I spent studying on the couch and the hours I spent snuggling on the couch. I remember all the naps I took on the floor under the piano and all the movies. I walk into Cale’s room and I remember going in and waking him up all the time. I think of how we used to take naps in his bed while we watched movies on the computer. I go down the hall into Cory’s room and my heart fills with so many different emotions: sadness, anger, nostalgia, and more sadness. I spent almost and entire semester in that room just listening to music, talking, and watching movies nobody else would watch with me. All other memories from that room I quickly push out of my head. Outside brings thoughts of telescopes, fires, fish frys, and a lot of laughs. This used to be my home-away-from-home but now I might as well be sleeping in a stranger’s bed.

The thing about fighting with someone is that the truth always comes out.
You can say you didn’t mean it, but it had to come from somewhere.

God has been pounding this into my head recently.

South Africa has the fastest growing AIDS rate in the world. As if this isn’t bad enough, many Zulus in villages and small townships believe that having sex with a virgin will cure the disease. Obviously, this leads to the rapes of countless young girls further spreading HIV. Please pray for protection over these young girls, wisdom for the town elders, and the spreading of knowledge and truth so that this epidemic can be stopped. There is a cure for AIDS. It is GOD and EDUCATION.

I just had to kill the biggest nastiest spider in my house. And it was pregnant. I’m basically a dragon slayer.